Why Forward

The sun was out after a stretch of stormy days in Chengdu, China. I was working at the English center and had a small group of high school students. We were discussing core values. As a warm-up I asked, “what do you look forward to this week, this year?” One student had a shine in his eye and described his plans to travel to Russia with his friends. Another was keen on joining a potluck at a friend’s house that week. One student, Jeff, was sitting in the back of the class with his head slouched in his phone. When I called on him he sincerely replied, “I don’t look forward to anything.”

I reminded them, “we live in a noisy world and many people talk, yet few communicate and communication is an expression of our values.” I walked them through a “why” analysis which basically asks, “what do you honor? What is your undying belief?” I shared my story and gave examples of people and companies who have demonstrated strong why’s. Jeff was being lazy with his answers and passively agreed with other students. I told him, “I want to know what YOU think. Everyone of us has a unique story, that’s what makes the world interesting.” As a reflective exercise, I provided various story prompts and highlighted the importance of hobbies and power routines that energize vitality. Jeff was beginning to open up.

I asked them, “What’s your dream job?” And they chimed, “travel journalist,” “a doctor without borders,” Jeff spoke with a glint of conviction, “biologist.” Finally, I asked them to look inward and come up with a mantra that captures their core value. One said, “be useful,” “be true to yourself,” another “no regrets,” and Jeff said, “know myself.”

A good look in the mirror

“Knowing others is intelligence;
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
Mastering yourself is true power.”
– Lao Tzu, Chinese Philosopher

For many years I struggled with social anxiety, speech impediment, and depression because I held too many distractions. It’s a classic self-shame story: I used to suck and now I suck less. Eventually, I realized that we live in a noisy world and many people talk, yet few communicate. What I grew to accept and love was the gift of conversation. It became clear that deep connections are not based on take or blame, they are full of joy and empathy.

A friend once told me, “Time flies when the senses are full.” Leading an inspired path means doing what makes you come alive. And it is the way we live in the present moment that shapes character, relationships, and the quality of our work.
Knowing our purpose is an affair with self-awareness. It’s what makes you light up amid uncertainty. It’s that thing you live for that overshadows everything else, even the fluctuations of money. Know it from within, set boundaries, set goals, and watch the groove unfold. A state of flow arises when we uproot the splinter of self-delusion.

For a short while I drove part-time for Uber. Once I picked up a passenger and I had ambient music playing in the car. He sat in and asked how I was doing. I replied, “Just cruising with the music.” He paused for a moment and said,

“There is something to be said about living like the music never gets interrupted.”

Once we quiet the distractions the gift of conversation reveals itself. We come face-to-face with what is simple and true. Rather than insist on what should be, one surrenders to a living relationship with what is. And feedback is fluid whether soft or brutal. There is no glorified “me” to enforce so emotions move freely, and we bear witness to something unforgettable: a real conversation.

Emotional intelligence is a function of how we pay attention. When we’re grateful we’re not overloaded with expectations. We rejoice in what is. When intimately connected with our source of vitality, we don’t worry about not having enough. In the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Vitality never takes.” Upon taking a close look in the mirror with vitality first, there is no need to harbor self-delusions. We shed old identities and inhabit a larger part of who we are.

creativity

Getting creative

Creativity means making something new and meaningful. It’s a celebration of being alive.
Creativity is a birthright. A gift to the world. it’s a process. The process is the insight.

Creativity is the natural flow of things. The hard part is getting out of our own way. Creativity happens when we trust the process and let go of how we think it’s supposed to be.

Let go so your gift can flow freely.

Why be creative?
Because it feels good to be alive.

ownership leadership self-awareness purpose

Moving with a purpose

Here’s a review I wrote for Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win.

Extreme Ownership is a good look in the mirror to live and lead at the highest level. It contains war stories with leadership lessons and I have newfound respect for U.S. Navy SEALs. It checks off on what I count as a good book: vivid imagery, some humor, raises goosebumps, brings tears, and practical for livelihood. On the final analysis, it’s not written by a Hemingway but it does come from the heat of experience. It works because it’s real.

The book harps the tune “it’s all about the mission”. You got to know why you’re in it to begin with, believe in it fully, and continually execute on it. That’s what a leader does. There are many books that stress this point of “moving with a purpose” and Extreme Ownership just does it in a raw fashion within the context of war. On the battle field, making the right decision moment by moment is highly crucial. One is constantly flirting with defeat and running the risk of losing life or limb. Time is of the essence. Navy SEALs blend a deep brotherhood with creative and methodical action which enabled them to accomplish their intense missions in Iraq.

“Effective leaders lead successful teams that accomplish their mission and win. Ineffective leaders do not.” A leader is the true believer of the team’s mission while trusting the troops to deliver on their parts. Micromanaging takes focus way from the bigger picture, which the leader is trusted to keep and communicate. The book presses the leader to simply maintain the strategic vision which enables others to take ownership of their parts and swiftly act on what is immediate. In short, ownership is the absence of blame. When everyone in a team practices it, trust forms and speed quickens. With markets in flux, jobs at risk, and competitions near, trust is paramount to stay nimble and efficient.

This book is written with a sense of urgency, applying the principles of combat to organizational issues. The process invites us to lay it all on the table and examine what is mission critical and what is not. The ensuing plan may change but the purpose remains constant.

Self-awareness on the airplane

I’m on an airplane reading a book on my iPad. the book is titled Extreme Ownership written by some Navy SEALS captains. Excellent book with war stories and leadership lessons. I have newfound respect for those guys. Anyway there is a photo in the book with a ton of ammunition laid on the table, a poster of the SEALS skull patch, and pictures of SEALS lost in combat. I’m zooming in and around the photo when I notice the person to my right gazing over me. I realize I’m a Persian man on an airplane looking at fire arm and death symbols. I immediately put away the device and turn on a cartoon on the seat monitor to balance the equation.

Lavender trust

Lulu just lost her job and with it a messy break up. It’s like a sinking ship in her gut and exploding rocks in her chest. She faces a new chapter in her life. She feels terrible uncertainty and self-doubt. She decides to go on an adventure and winds up in a forest. It’s dark and she finds a hut by the river. She steps in and an own is sitting there with books and a lit candle scented like Lavender Trust.

The owl welcomes her in as though expecting her. Lulu tells him of her lousy state and the owl says, “Get super clear about yourself and how you want to grow. It’s not that you have to overcome uncertainty, but to examine the negative beliefs you’ve attach to it. Trust your senses and rejoice in the mystery that accompanies you. I’ll tell you what my teacher once told me.” Blows out the one candle and says with a grounding voice, “courage is a lover affair with the unknown.”

Lulu realizes she’s smelling like some lavender blend and can’t see a thing, with an owl. She darts out the hut screaming in her breath, part terror part gratitude. She hurdles into the river and swims to the other side, takes a deep breath and dries herself with leaves. Now feeling cleansed and reborn … in a dark forest.

Meeting rage with vitality

Henry is in his alpha state of vitality and has been crushing it all morning. He’s feeling good and focused. He gets into his car and slowly backs out of the driveway. He can’t see the incoming cars so he goes extra slow. A white van passes. He brakes, and slowly begins again. A second car comes and gives Henry a fury honk, quite lengthy and pointless really. Henry gently brakes and turns to look at the driver and it was a dumb cunt. Just as rage swells up, Henry’s alpha is still near and offers a vision of empathy. With a slight turn of awareness, he steps outside of himself and sees through the eyes of the girl thinking, “Maybe she thinks I was trying to get in her way. What’s in her way? Who knows.” He drops it and resumes to alpha.

Vitality: primal state of well being.
Patience: knowing when to let it be.
Empathy: stepping outside of yourself.

14 ways to treasure time

Life is busy, continuously commanding attention from all sides. Amid the fierce conditions of work and life in general, how can one maintain a steady flow toward a simple aim and not be “too busy” to treasure time? How can we learn to not overcrowd our attention with unessential things? Learning to take a break is invaluable to add more joy and focus. Things can be overwhelming at times but things are also manageable with a mindful break routine.

Taking a break doesn’t degrade your work ethic. In an interview with Charlie Rose, Bill Gates talks time, “You control your time and just sitting and thinking may be a much higher priority than a normal CEO might realize. It’s not a proxy of your seriousness that you haven’t filled every minute of your schedule.” In the same interview, fellow billionaire Warren Buffett adds, “Time is the only thing you can’t buy. I can buy anything I want. But I can’t buy more time.” The three of them muse at Buffett’s calendar which has large chunks of empty space where he allots to doing nothing.

Like brushing your teeth, taking a break is good mental hygiene. No one likes bad breath. Similarly, nothing worthwhile gets done with a cluttered mind. The greatest gift we can offer anyone is our total attention. It quenches our thirst to connect. Knowing that I can be completely present with someone or that I can create cushion throughout the day to unwind is incredibly empowering. Here are 14 ways to mindfully unplug and maintain a healthy perspective:

1. Take a long and unhurried breath, feeling your stomach stretch like filling a balloon. Take a few more if it awakes your body ever so slightly.
2. Notice: true and real qualities you can appreciate in the room,
3. Notice what happens to your spine as you sustain a focused breath. Examine its features.
4. Notice: what’s the farthest thing you see in your immediate space. Examine its features.
5. Notice: what’s the closest thing you see in your immediate space. Examine its features.
6. Notice: what’s the farthest sound you hear in your immediate space. Examine its features.
7. Notice: what’s the closest sound you hear in your immediate space. Examine its features.
8. Notice: what’s the farthest thing you can touch in your immediate space. Examine its features.
9. Do a 1min drawing
10. Write a 1min letter to someone without needing to send it
11. Go for a walk
12. Thank someone by text or email.
13. Meditate for a few minutes: sit quietly and breathe.
14. Sit to actually taste and appreciate your next meal. Notice how your senses are turned on to the food.

Podcast: Waking up to what is with Eric Kaufmann

Seeing Potential Podcast aims to form dialogue with creatives and entrepreneurs at the crossroads of change, exploring the concepts of mindfulness, creativity, and leadership.

In this episode I sat down with Eric Kaufmann to discuss what it means to be awake and the skills to develop as a leader.

Eric Kaufmann is the president and founder of Sagatica, where he guides leaders to make better decisions and achieve better results. His book The Four Virtues of a Leader, shares practical ideas and tools that deepen a leader’s ability to be efficient, effective and deliberate; a leader whom people are drawn to follow. The crucible of Eric’s journey contains 16 years of leadership consulting, management at Fortune 100 firms, degrees in business and psychology a quarter century of Zen practice, living in Israel and South Africa, teaching as a Master Scuba Diving instructor, and working as a certified hypnotherapist. Learn more about Sagatica at www.sagatica.com.

Celebrating what is

It has been said that the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas at the same time, and still be able to function. For example, one would recognize the absence of hope and still be grateful to be alive. Rather than insist on what should be, one surrenders to a living relationship with what is. There is no glorified “me” to enforce so emotions move freely, and we get to bear witness to nature’s unfolding.

Throughout the day, there are chores one must accept and celebrations we get to relish. A life that overflows with vitality tends to net more celebrations, and gratitude is the groovy tune as language tangos with emotion. For example, consider how our attention is colored by “I get to,” “I better,” and “I have to”. “I better wash the dishes” produces a slightly different emotion than “I have to wash the dishes.” Same activity, different emotional trail. “I have to meet with my team” is much different than “I get to meet with my team.” It is a practice of thought and each directs our attention to a different set of details. Emotional intelligence is a function of how we pay attention.

Being authentic means being true to what inspires you and what turns you on about the world. Mustering up the best version of ourselves means maintaining a level of appreciation throughout a single day. There’s no substitute for this level of self-awareness and it is easy to know what lights you up. When we’re grateful we’re not overloaded with misfit expectations. We rejoice in what is. When intimately connected with our source of vitality, we don’t worry about not having enough. In the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Vitality never takes.”