Lavender trust

Lulu just lost her job and with it a messy break up. It’s like a sinking ship in her gut and exploding rocks in her chest. She faces a new chapter in her life. She feels terrible uncertainty and self-doubt. She decides to go on an adventure and winds up in a forest. It’s dark and she finds a hut by the river. She steps in and an own is sitting there with books and a lit candle scented like Lavender Trust.

The owl welcomes her in as though expecting her. Lulu tells him of her lousy state and the owl says, “Get super clear about yourself and how you want to grow. It’s not that you have to overcome uncertainty, but to examine the negative beliefs you’ve attach to it. Trust your senses and rejoice in the mystery that accompanies you. I’ll tell you what my teacher once told me.” Blows out the one candle and says with a grounding voice, “courage is a lover affair with the unknown.”

Lulu realizes she’s smelling like some lavender blend and can’t see a thing, with an owl. She darts out the hut screaming in her breath, part terror part gratitude. She hurdles into the river and swims to the other side, takes a deep breath and dries herself with leaves. Now feeling cleansed and reborn … in a dark forest.

Celebrating what is

It has been said that the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas at the same time, and still be able to function. For example, one would recognize the absence of hope and still be grateful to be alive. Rather than insist on what should be, one surrenders to a living relationship with what is. There is no glorified “me” to enforce so emotions move freely, and we get to bear witness to nature’s unfolding.

Throughout the day, there are chores one must accept and celebrations we get to relish. A life that overflows with vitality tends to net more celebrations, and gratitude is the groovy tune as language tangos with emotion. For example, consider how our attention is colored by “I get to,” “I better,” and “I have to”. “I better wash the dishes” produces a slightly different emotion than “I have to wash the dishes.” Same activity, different emotional trail. “I have to meet with my team” is much different than “I get to meet with my team.” It is a practice of thought and each directs our attention to a different set of details. Emotional intelligence is a function of how we pay attention.

Being authentic means being true to what inspires you and what turns you on about the world. Mustering up the best version of ourselves means maintaining a level of appreciation throughout a single day. There’s no substitute for this level of self-awareness and it is easy to know what lights you up. When we’re grateful we’re not overloaded with misfit expectations. We rejoice in what is. When intimately connected with our source of vitality, we don’t worry about not having enough. In the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Vitality never takes.”

Poetics of psychology

Psychology is the unfolding of the questions we ask ourselves in the underbelly of our own spirit, revealing the raw traits of a human kind, at the interplay of all things magic, in between silence and those fleeting gestures, gently gushing from the pupils.

In those moments, I feel most alive.

You got $10 on your pump

I’m driving and realize I’m super low on gas. I pull up to the nearest gas station and see that my wallet is at my house and no cash in my car. After clawing at my self worth and incompetence, I remembered that my card info is in my laptop. So I bring it over to the clerk and tell him the story. The dude listened and says he can’t enter it manually. He then says, “go ahead, you got $10 at your pump.” At the edge of disbelief and in deep appreciation, we chatted a bit and I learned his story and his work schedule. I figure returning later with $20 is the least I can do.

You got a a lotta room brah

Reading a book in my car and a guy is trying to parallel park behind me. dude’s got alot of room to work with, like 5 cars length, but after an initial bad lean he struggles to slide in as though its a tight space, so he bumps my car three times in the process. not sure if he knows im in the car, i get get out to examine the challenged fellow. i tell him “you hit me 3 times, you got a lot of room to work with bra,” gesturing to the space he has. he gets out, apologizes and asks if there’s any damage. i said, “na no worries, but you got a lotta room brah.”

Why I don’t bother with humility

What if each waking breath you had a whole new brain, a new perspective, and all that remained was a wonder, “Here I am.” What if we dropped our personhood, no matter clever or simple, humble or self-absorbed, into the thick fragrance of now. Those ribbons of analysis wrapped around the mind, how we decorate our walls with untold stories. If we remove the outside world from the equation of “me,” what are we left with?

The self-image is hallow. there is no person behind the mask. There is nothing to chase or avoid, you are the light soaking on your forehead. How light wrinkles and shifts in her eyes, starring at the world behind the world with the spear of destiny in hand.

Easy under the skin, liquify your spine, melt like gravity washing over the stars. The galaxy watching over you, “This one doesn’t reek of comparison.”

Breathe deep as the trees reassemble with the wind, casting electric shadows onto the branches, lazy synapses laid over your gaze, a voice without words only you can hear, and the surrender that glows in this body that knows.

A waterfall has no plan to fall yet look at it go, with no beginning or end, it just falls with no aim to be understood. And the stage it owns. The sound and the tiny ripples. I forget why I bothered with personhood.